JUST ASK: Should you stay or should you go?

Jo Usmar ponders the meaning of Relationship Black Monday

Monday 7th January was a rubbish day for loads of couples, but a good day for thousands of divorce lawyers. Apparently more people will file for divorce on the second or third Monday in January than on any other day in the year. And the reasons why so many folk crash-land in Splitsville on that particular day actually make sense, in a sad depressing kind of way. (Which is why it’s called ‘Black Monday’ by newspaper editors and pretending-to-be-sympathetic lawyers.)

It’s because January is so ridiculously crappy and December so exhausting. If you have a shaky relationship anyway and then you’re forced to spend an entire six weeks buying presents for each other and for each other’s family, visiting distant relatives that hate each other and so by default hate you, eating cardboard turkey for five days straight while listening to the Band Aid Christmas tune on repeat and watching Harry Potter for the ninth time (don’t get me wrong, I love Harry Potter), it’s no wonder things might become a smidgen strained.

And that’s all before January – the month of no money and a national, seemingly compulsory, detox. Even if you don’t want to go on some half-assed lentil-only soup diet when the entire rest of the country is you end up feeling guilty about scoffing normal food. This guiltiness can make anyone feel rubbish, let alone someone who’s in a crappy relationship.

So it’s easy to see why people might snap and decide enough’s enough now rather than during the spring when everyone’s leaping through fields throwing daisies at each other.

But another reason given for the higher divorce rate is a much more positive one –people deciding they want a fresh start. Yep, I see this as a good thing. (Sorry to the people getting dumped). For lots of folk that have been unhappy for yonks the whole ‘new year, new you’ thing can inspire whopping life changes – including getting rid of your other half. This is far healthier than settling for being unhappy and/or cheating. Which is another thing to note about Black Monday – it’s also the day when most people will cheat or initiate an affair, because of all the reasons listed above.

I don’t for a minute think that someone approaching a divorce lawyer will have taken the decision lightly so if they’ve got that far then something’s clearly seriously wrong. It’s ridiculously hard to split up, especially if you’re married and have kids, so how do you know when to call time on something? Perhaps when the 12 months facing you are too bum-clenchingly grim to contemplate? Or when you’re seriously considering jumping on that hot guy from IT for some light (or heavy) relief? Or when you’ve talked everything to death and there’s still no change? Whatever the reason it’s a massive decision and a really brave one. And whether it was your choice or not just think, in a few weeks it’ll be February which is nearly March, which is nearly spring. Hurray!

Please follow me on Twitter for more rantings and ravings - @adanapeterhttp://www.twitter.com/adanapeter

JUST ASK

Monday, 15 April 2013

Should you stay or should you go?

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